


this heart (is the best part of me)

by SJAandDWfan



Series: the emma and alyssa story [1]
Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: F/F, anyway here's my take on the origin of emma and alyssa's relationship, because it's canon even though it's not in the bway version, ft alyssa blowing up the peanut brittle, it just got a little bit out of hand, look guys i promise i didn't mean for it to be this long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 23:31:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17375279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SJAandDWfan/pseuds/SJAandDWfan
Summary: It was funny, Emma noted, that even wearing a classic deer-in-the-headlights expression and being covered head to toe in peanut brittle didn’t stop Alyssa from being the most beautiful person in the room.orhow emma and alyssa got their beginning.





	this heart (is the best part of me)

**Author's Note:**

> would you believe me if i said that this was never meant to go over 5k words?
> 
> inspired by a tumblr post that reminded me that the moment emma fell for alyssa was when she blew up peanut brittle in chemistry class and i thought hey why don't i write a fic about that?
> 
> as you can see, it spiralled a little bit.
> 
> title from unruly heart from the prom, because it would feel weird to be writing for a a musical and not use lyrics from said musical right?

It was just another Chemistry class until the explosion happened.

Emma was busy writing notes while her reluctant lab partner took care of the peanut brittle. She briefly wondered if the teacher had checked beforehand if any of the students had a nut allergy, scribbling down some test results as she came to the conclusion that no, he probably hadn’t.

Emma didn’t speak to her lab partner, who had arguably drawn the short straw as far as pairs went. He didn’t speak to her either, which suited Emma just fine. Any conversation she had with her fellow classmates usually just involved being insulted for the entire duration anyway, and so the silence was almost a relief.

It seemed everyone in school wanted to know if it was true; if she was really a lesbian. They wanted to know the answer, but as soon as they heard it they all recoiled, like confirming the rumors was the worst thing she could have done.

Emma’s parents had done the same thing, right before they kicked her out of the house.

Gritting her teeth as she pressed the tip of the pen too firmly against the paper, Emma tried to focus on the task at hand. Thinking about her parents only made her angry. She’d never kidded herself into believing that their reaction would be a positive one, but to kick her out? She hadn’t been prepared for that.

Luckily, her grandmother had taken her in, so at least she had somewhere to live.

Completely lost in her thoughts, and the events of the last few weeks, the loud bang almost made Emma jump out of her skin.

She whipped her head around to see a table in the middle of the classroom splattered with peanut brittle. The two occupants of the table were covered in it as well. Kaylee, one of the girls, glared daggers at her friend. Emma’s heart constricted as she registered who the culprit was.

Alyssa Greene.

It was funny, Emma noted, that even wearing a classic deer-in-the-headlights expression and being covered head to toe in peanut brittle didn’t stop Alyssa from being the most beautiful person in the room.

Alyssa hung her head as Kaylee started on her, complaining about how long it was going to take to get her clothes and hair clean again. Emma frowned as she watched Alyssa accept the harsh words with her eyes trained on the table in front of her.

The teacher finally intervened, telling Kaylee and Alyssa to get cleaned up in a bored tone of voice that suggested things blowing up in class wasn’t completely out of the ordinary. The girls obeyed, Kaylee rushing out first without so much as a backwards glance at her friend.

Alyssa moved slower, biting her lip nervously as she walked to the door. She kept her eyes downcast, except for one moment. One moment where she glanced up, and her eyes happened to catch Emma’s.

Emma wasn’t a huge believer in the concept of time standing still, or everything in the room fading away just because someone looks at you, but she didn’t know how else to describe it. Alyssa’s dark eyes met her own, and Emma only hoped she didn’t make a complete idiot of herself as she tried to give her a reassuring smile.

She wasn’t quite sure what exactly she was trying to reassure Alyssa about, but she hoped the gesture brought her some comfort. The corner of Alyssa’s mouth quirked upwards, just for a second, and then her eyes dropped to the floor again as she left the classroom.

Emma exhaled slowly. She’d always thought Alyssa was ridiculously gorgeous in addition to seeming pretty cool, not least because she was one of the few people in the school that hadn’t said anything mean about her, but she was starting to think there was more to her feelings than that.

Alyssa Greene had somehow managed to blow up peanut brittle in the middle of class. It should have been impossible, but she’d made it happen. It was perhaps the strangest start to a crush that Emma had ever experienced.

 

* * *

 

Once she’d gotten herself cleaned up, Alyssa changed into the only spare clothes she had in her locker – her cheerleading outfit. Cursing herself for not being prepared enough to bring more normal clothes, she smoothed down the skirt and made her way back to class. Kaylee hadn’t waited for her.

Alyssa felt stupid. She’d never felt more _stupid_ in her life than when she’d been staring in horror at what used to be a container of peanut brittle. It had gone everywhere. All she had been able to smell, and see, and taste had been peanut brittle. At least it had hidden the blush on her cheeks. God, her mother was going to kill her once she got wind of this.

She opened the door to the classroom and tried to slip in without anyone noticing. No such luck. Every pair of eyes was trained on her as she made her way back to her and Kaylee’s table. Most of the expressions on her classmates’ faces were ones of barely-concealed amusement. A lot of the boys weren’t even trying to hide the sweeping glances over her body. Alyssa tugged the hem of her skirt lower self-consciously.

Only one person was just… looking at her, with nothing behind the expression except an inexplicable warmth.

Emma Nolan.

Alyssa felt her cheeks heating up again, although she had no idea why.

Somehow, she made it through the rest of class. When they were excused, Kaylee stalked straight over to Shelby and they left. Alyssa didn’t bother to try and catch up with them. It was clear that Kaylee needed at least the rest of the day to get over the embarrassment of the peanut brittle incident. Alyssa figured she’d be getting the cold shoulder in the meantime.

Packing up her backpack, Alyssa didn’t notice that the classroom had emptied but for her and Emma, who lingered in the doorway as if she was having an internal battle. Alyssa tried not to watch her as she finally zipped up her backpack, slinging it onto her shoulders as she mentally prepared herself for her next class.

“You know,” Emma started, drumming nervously on the doorframe with her fingertips. “If you get uncomfortable, or cold, or something, I always have spare clothes in my locker.”

Alyssa was taken aback. She hadn’t expected Emma to actually speak to her, much less offer her some of her own clothes to wear. Had her discomfort really been that obvious? It wasn’t like she never wore her uniform, but she barely ever wore it just for class, and never when she was the only one who would be dressed in it.

Part of her wanted to accept Emma’s offer. It was a nice gesture, with no entrapment behind it – simply an act of kindness from a girl who would be justified if she was never kind to anyone in this school ever again.

Alyssa knew the rumors, of course – and that Emma had confirmed them. She would have had to be living under a rock to not hear what her classmates whispered about Emma behind her back, and sometimes yelled to her face. The things she had heard made her heart seize painfully in her chest. She wanted to stick up for Emma, but that would probably make things ten times worse for them both.

Besides, it wasn’t any of Alyssa’s business that Emma was a lesbian.

And as much as a part of her would have readily accepted the offer, a larger part of her was scared. Because Emma’s wardrobe mainly consisted of flannel shirts and oversized jackets – a very individual and therefore recognisable style at school. If she turned up to class wearing Emma’s clothes, everyone would immediately _know_ they were Emma’s clothes.

Maybe it was cowardice, but Alyssa didn’t want the things she heard directed at Emma to be directed at her, too.

Especially because Alyssa wasn’t gay. She wasn’t. She couldn’t be.

“Thank you,” she said, because she suddenly realized she’d just been staring at Emma for way longer than was socially acceptable. “I’ll be fine, but thanks for the offer, Emma.”

“Yeah, anytime,” Emma breathed, looking relieved that Alyssa hadn’t reacted with disgust as so many of their classmates would have. Although, Alyssa doubted Emma would have even made the same offer to any of their classmates. So why her?

Alyssa sighed. “I can’t believe I blew up the peanut brittle.”

Emma’s lips curved into a joyful smile. “I know. It was incredible!”

“I’m not sure that’s the word I would’ve used,” Alyssa grinned ruefully, surprised by just how at ease she felt talking to Emma.

“Alyssa, you _blew up_ peanut brittle,” Emma laughed. “I don’t even know how you managed to do that.”

“Clearly, I’m just that bad at Chemistry.”

“I’d argue that it would make you great at Chemistry,” Emma said, and Alyssa smiled. Why hadn’t she had a conversation with Emma before? She seemed like one of the most genuinely nice people Alyssa had met – certainly as far as Edgewater, Indiana went.

A straggling student rushed down the hall on his way to class, coughing something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like 'lesbo' when he passed Emma.

Oh. That was why.

Emma’s jaw tightened minutely, but other than that she had no reaction to the comment. She met Alyssa’s eyes, glancing away and to the ground as she took a step back.

“I should go,” Emma said. “Can’t be later for class than that douchebag.”

“He _is_ a douchebag,” Alyssa said, as forcefully as she could manage given the way her hands were suddenly trembling. Why were her hands trembling?

Emma looked at her in surprise. “Yeah.”

Alyssa swallowed. Her mouth was dry. “Uh, I’d better go, too.”

“Right,” Emma said, looking away again as she started to walk. They were headed in opposite directions, which shouldn’t have made Alyssa as relieved as she was. “See you around, Alyssa.”

“See you,” Alyssa whispered, watching as Emma turned and strode away. She knew she would be late for class by now, something that would normally make her palms sweat and her heart beat loud and panicked in her ears.

She still felt vaguely panicked, although she wasn’t sure how much of that actually had to do with her lateness.

 

* * *

 

“Good day at school?” Betsy Nolan asked, as soon as Emma shut the front door behind her. Her voice was hopeful, like she’d been praying that Emma had miraculously gone a day without being bullied.

“Actually, yeah,” Emma said, coming into the kitchen where her grandma was currently peeling potatoes for dinner. “It wasn’t too bad.”

“Good,” her grandma smiled warmly as Emma gave her a quick hug before setting her backpack down on a chair. “Anything in particular that made it not too bad?”

Emma fought down a blush at the memory of her conversation with Alyssa. She’d talked to her and it hadn’t all gone horribly wrong. Alyssa hadn’t recoiled in disgust at Emma’s offer of spare clothes. She’d agreed with her about that one student being a complete dick. Emma still didn’t know what had possessed her to hang back and talk to Alyssa, but she was so glad that she had.

She shrugged. “There was an explosion in Chem. That was pretty entertaining.”

Betsy chuckled. “Oh, that brings back memories.”

“Did all science classes used to be like that?” Emma asked.

“A lot of the time, yes,” her grandma said. “What was it that exploded?”

“Peanut brittle.”

Emma’s grandma looked at her in surprise. “How?”

“I have no idea,” Emma laughed. “Even Alyssa doesn’t know how she did it.”

“Alyssa?” Betsy asked, her ears no doubt perking up at the mention of a girl’s name. Emma ducked her head, still unused to getting positive reactions like this every time she so much as mentioned a girl. “Who’s Alyssa?”

“Just a girl in a few of my classes,” Emma said, aiming for nonchalant even as a nagging voice in her head reminded her that Alyssa wasn’t ‘just’ anything. “She’s nice.”

Betsy smiled, but she didn’t push it any further, perhaps sensing that Emma’s thoughts were starting to drift. “Want to come and help with dinner sometime this century?” she asked instead.

Emma jolted out of her daze. “Yeah, of course.”

She crossed the room to help her grandma with the food preparation, her mind wandering once again to when she would next see Alyssa. Maybe they could talk again. She’d like that.

 

* * *

 

Alyssa found herself thinking back to her conversation with Emma more than she would like over the next week. She wanted to spend more time with her, because anyone who could make her smile after approximately thirty seconds of talking was someone Alyssa would like to get to know. Hell, she’d been friends with Kaylee and Shelby for years, and neither of them had made her smile for a very long time.

Alyssa sighed. There had been a time, before high school, when Kaylee and Shelby had been alright. They’d been fairly decent kids, if a bit snobby, but ever since they got to James Madison and started thinking of themselves as adults, well… things had been getting worse.

She should have tried to steer them in a less awful direction. She should have noticed their views turn hateful and done something about it. If there was one thing her mother had taught her, it was that she was responsible for a lot of things, including the actions of those around her.

Alyssa didn’t know how much she believed that, but still, it would be nice to have a friend that she wasn’t constantly treading on eggshells around.

Although, if she befriended Emma, Alyssa had a feeling those eggshells would end up being thrown at her instead.

She couldn’t find it within herself to simply walk over to Emma at lunch or after class and just start a conversation, and it seemed like Emma’s courage had fled her, too. Instead, Alyssa had to be content with stealing glances at Emma in History class when she was sure she wasn’t looking.

Emma had this thing she did where she would tap the end of her pen against her nose rhythmically when she was thinking. When she had the answer, she’d poke the tip of her tongue between her teeth, bowing her head to scribble something down on the page. Alyssa wasn’t sure how aware of it Emma was, but she did it every time she was in deep thought about something in class.

She’d just about resigned herself to the sad possibility of never really having another conversation with Emma, when the semester’s big pairs project was announced. Alyssa hoped against hope that somehow, she and Emma would be partnered together. It was a long shot; there were close to thirty students in class and what seemed like infinite pairing possibilities. But even if Emma was assigned a partner who didn’t want to work with her (which, admittedly, was a very real possibility due to the homophobic nature of their classmates), Alyssa could always casually offer to trade.

“Alyssa Greene,” the teacher, Mr Cole, announced. “You’ll be working with Emma Nolan.”

Blood rushed in her ears, and Alyssa tried not to smile too widely and give away how happy and relieved she was to have Emma as her partner. Now she’d have an excuse to spend time with Emma that even Kaylee and Shelby wouldn’t be able to question.

Emma glanced over to look at Alyssa, her eyes wide with surprise. Alyssa offered her a smile, trying to convey that this was a good thing as far as she was concerned, and she noticed Emma’s body language relax just slightly.

“Pick a subject to present,” Mr Cole said. “It can be about anything in the whole of history, but make sure you have enough material to make an informative project. And remember, you really don’t have to restrict yourself to American History – there were lots of things that happened in the world before Columbus invaded America.”

Kaylee raised her hand. “Don’t you mean discovered America?”

“No, I mean invaded,” Mr Cole said. The bell rung. “The project is due at the end of the semester – and do remember that there is a presentation element in addition to the portfolio!”

His words had risen to almost a shout by the end of his sentence in order to be heard over the scraping of chairs as everyone made to stand. Alyssa glanced over at Kaylee and Shelby, who were talking with each other closely. Mr Cole wasn’t stupid enough to try and separate them for this project. Alyssa used everyone’s distraction to make her way over to where Emma was packing up her bag.

“Hey,” she said. Emma jerked her head up, grinning nervously at Alyssa.

“Hi,” she said. “Listen, if you’d rather work with someone else I get it. I could talk to Mr Cole about doing the project by myself, I know a whole semester is a long time to be paired with someone and—”

“Emma, stop,” Alyssa said. “I want to work with you.”

“You do?” Emma’s eyebrows rose to her hairline. “Oh.”

“Is that okay?” Alyssa asked. Maybe Emma’s offer of working alone was for her own benefit.

“Yeah,” Emma breathed quietly, before clearing her throat. “Yes. Yes, of course that’s okay. It would be an honor.”

Alyssa bit her lip to stop herself from laughing in delight. Emma’s cheeks reddened instantly as she registered what she’d just said. Alyssa tried to save her from her embarrassment.

“We could meet up after school today and go through some options?” she suggested. “It would have to be after cheerleading practice, though.”

“That’s fine,” Emma said. “Whose place should we meet at?”

“Yours,” Alyssa said immediately. The thought of subjecting Emma to Mrs Greene made her blood run suddenly cold.

“Sure,” Emma said. “Uh, the address is, um…”

Alyssa smiled when Emma trailed off, seeming to blank on her own address. “Give me your phone.”

Emma handed it over immediately, and Alyssa typed in her number under ‘new contact’, trying to ignore the churning of her stomach. It wasn’t a bad feeling, just a new one. She handed the phone back to Emma.

“How about you text me the address?” she suggested. “Practice lets out at four, so I can just get changed and come straight over.”

Alyssa wasn’t sure where all this confidence was coming from, but she made the executive decision not to question it, and to just go with whatever courage she could find. Emma smiled at her, and the churning got worse.

“Yeah, that sounds great,” Emma said, typing Alyssa’s name into the contact information along with the phone number. “I guess I’ll see you later, then?”

“I guess you will,” Alyssa said, suddenly noticing that – once again – they were the only two students left in the room. “Crap. I gotta get to gym. Bye!”

She gave Emma a little wave as she practically took off running towards the locker rooms, working out how she was going to pull off the whole ‘going to Emma’s place without alerting anyone’ thing. Her mom would be easy enough – she always worked until around seven, and came home even later, so as long as she was back home before then everything would be fine. Getting to Emma’s house would be the difficult bit. She didn’t have a car, being just shy of her sixteenth birthday, but one of the older girls at practice usually gave her a ride home. Maybe she could ask to be dropped off somewhere nearer Emma’s house instead. Or maybe if Emma’s house ended up being close enough to her own then she could walk there after being dropped off. She could always try and make up an excuse that didn’t put Emma in anyone’s crosshairs.

Alyssa didn’t really like the prospect of lying so much, but there was no denying that it would make things a lot easier for everyone involved.

 

* * *

 

Emma read the words she’d typed over and over again, trying to ascertain whether or not the text was acceptable to send. She wasn’t really in the habit of texting girls, much less girls she was actively crushing on, and inviting them over to her place. Even if it was strictly to work on a project together.

She went over what she’d written one more time. She’d said that it was her, as her own number wasn’t yet saved in Alyssa’s phone. She’d put in her address, as promised. She’d checked that Alyssa still wanted to come over and work on the project, and she’d put a smiley face at the end. She debated putting an ‘x’ or two, but quickly decided against it.

Emma hit send before she could overthink it anymore.

Even though it was only three-twenty and Alyssa wouldn’t get out of cheerleading practice until four, Emma still kept a wary-yet-hopeful eye on her screen. She busied herself by tidying her room, and _then_ she busied herself by worrying that she was being presumptuous in thinking Alyssa would want to study in her room. The last ten minutes before the clock struck four were spent tidying the living room around her confused grandma.

“Emma, what’s going on?” she asked. “I thought I did a reasonable job of keeping the place clean, after all.”

“Um, Alyssa’s coming over to work on a project,” Emma said, sweeping imaginary crumbs off the coffee table.

Betsy’s whole demeanour changed. “Alyssa? As in, the Alyssa who blew up the peanut brittle?”

“That’s her,” Emma confirmed. She didn’t miss the slow smile spreading across her grandma’s face. “What?”

“Nothing,” she said innocently. “Would you like me to make myself scarce so you can have some alone time?”

“Grandma,” Emma said, trying and failing to stop herself from blushing. “We’re just working on our history project, nothing else. Besides, Alyssa’s straight. Just like everyone else at that school. The only difference with her is that she doesn’t appear to be a raging homophobe.”

Betsy gave her a sympathetic look. “They might still come around.”

Emma knew she wasn’t referring to her classmates.

“They kicked me out, grandma. The day after my birthday.”

“I know, love, and if truth be told, in a way I’m much happier that you’re here where I can make sure you’re safe,” she said. “And of course you don’t owe your parents anything, not after the way they’ve treated you. Maybe they’ll never change… but try not to make yourself believe that it’ll never happen.”

Emma didn’t think for a second that her parents would ever change their minds about having a gay daughter, but she knew her grandma was an optimist at heart. So she simply smiled tightly and went back to cleaning until her phone chimed with an incoming text. Nearly dropping the cushion she’d just picked up, Emma dug her phone out of her jeans pocket.

_Hey, just heading over now. I’ll be there in 10 :)_

Emma exhaled shakily.

“She’s on her way, then?” Betsy asked eagerly.

“Yep,” Emma said. “It’ll be fine, right?”

“I thought you said it was just studying,” her grandma said, arching an eyebrow at her.

“It _is_ just studying,” Emma insisted.

“Then why are you so nervous?”

“I’m not!” Emma exclaimed. “Well, okay, maybe I’m a little nervous but it’s not like – it’s just – read your book, grandma.”

Betsy barely contained her laughter, but said nothing else, turning the pages of her novel with feigned interest.

Ten minutes later, the doorbell rang and Emma – who had been fidgeting on the couch – immediately leapt to her feet.

“I’ll get it,” she said, not waiting to hear a response from her grandmother as she raced to the front door. She slowed as she approached, not wanting to give away how eager she’d been to get to the door.

Emma swung open the door to reveal Alyssa, dressed in a simple t-shirt and skinny jeans with her hair scraped back from her sweaty forehead and tied in a messy ponytail. She smiled brightly when she saw Emma, shifting her backpack so it rested more squarely on her shoulders.

“Hey,” she said. “Sorry, the locker room showers were full so I didn’t have a chance to do anything more than change. Turns out gym class followed directly by cheerleading practice is hard work.”

“That’s okay,” Emma said, trying not to stare too hard at Alyssa’s flushed cheeks. “Uh, come in.”

She stepped aside to let Alyssa past, shutting the front door behind them as she watched Alyssa take in the house. She led her through to the living room, figuring she’d better introduce Alyssa to her grandmother before Betsy took it upon herself to do so.

“Alyssa, this is my grandma,” Emma said, and the woman got up from the couch to greet her.

“Please call me Betsy, dear,” she said, and Emma knew her grandmother well enough to tell that she was already hard at work planning the wedding. She really didn’t need her grandma playing wingwoman, no matter how good her intentions might be.

“So we should probably decide what we’re actually going to do the project on,” Emma said, not quite knowing where to go from here. Clearly, her grandmother was going to stay in the living room and kitchen, and she wasn’t very keen on the idea of the _helpful_ comments that she was bound to make. “I don’t mind where we study, but it might be quieter upstairs.”

As if to prove her point, Betsy turned on the television with a grin. “I never miss this show.”

As far as Emma was aware, her grandma didn’t watch whatever was currently playing on the Food Network, but she wasn’t going to point that out in front of Alyssa.

“Upstairs is fine by me,” Alyssa smiled. She subtly tried to push an escaped lock of hair back from her forehead, and Emma suddenly remembered the sheer amount of cardio that Alyssa must have been forced to do this afternoon.

“God, I’m sorry, can I get you some water or something?” Emma asked.

“It’s okay, I brought my own,” Alyssa reassured her, patting her backpack. “A cheerleader is always prepared.”

The way she said it, almost like being a cheerleader was the last thing she wanted to be, gave Emma pause. She didn’t want to push it, though. She and Alyssa hardly knew each other, crush or no crush, and Emma didn’t want to cross any lines. Instead, she just led Alyssa up the stairs to her room.

Lingering in the doorway even though her bedroom was spotless, Emma was suddenly nervous.

“Well, this… this is my room,” she said, unnecessarily. “There’s more space to spread stuff out on the floor, so…”

“Okay,” Alyssa said, following Emma into the room and sitting down with her back against the foot of the bed. She looked up at where Emma was hovering nervously, and her expression softened. “Emma, it’s fine. Whatever you’re worried about, don’t be.”

Emma was worried about a lot of things. She was worried about being able to speak in full sentences around Alyssa. She was worried that Alyssa would end up hating her for reasons included but not limited to her being a terrible project partner, her being an uncool mess of a person, her being gay… She was worried about Alyssa realizing that Emma had a crush on her and refusing to look at her ever again. But she couldn’t exactly put all that into words, so she simply took a deep breath and sat down too, far enough away from Alyssa so as to not crowd her, but close enough so as to not raise any questions.

“Did you have any ideas about what you want to do the project on?” Emma asked, as Alyssa pulled a notebook and pen out of her backpack.

“Something old,” Alyssa said thoughtfully. “I feel like most of the other kids are going to pick something recent that they can research without any effort, but I guess I’ve always liked the classics.”

“Good idea,” Emma said. “So maybe we do it on some kind of ancient civilization?”

Alyssa’s eyes lit up. “Like the Greeks!”

Emma didn’t know the first thing about Ancient Greece, but she didn’t think she’d ever seen Alyssa look this happy, so she nodded along excitedly. Alyssa started scribbling down a few bullet points.

“We could look at the society, and the philosophers, and what they wore…”

“They worshipped a bunch of different gods, right?” Emma asked, wracking her brain for any information she could recall.

Alyssa nodded. “Loads of them. That could be another section!”

“Looks like it’s decided,” Emma grinned. “That was easy.”

“Am I, like, totally taking over on this?” Alyssa asked, her nose scrunched up in concern.

“No, honestly, it’s fine,” Emma said. “I’m just glad one of us knows what we’re doing!”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Alyssa laughed. “But it’s nice to have settled on something so easily.”

“Yeah, now we have even more time to try and fill out an entire portfolio and figure out how not to have a panic attack in the presentation,” Emma said, only half-joking.

“Then we’d better get to work,” Alyssa said.

 

* * *

 

Alyssa liked hanging out with Emma.

Sure, they’d been making steady progress on their project, but what Alyssa really enjoyed was just spending time with Emma at her grandma’s house. Emma was a really interesting person to talk to; the most interesting person Alyssa thought she’d ever met. She was certainly the most open-minded person she’d ever met.

Alyssa kind of wanted to ask Emma what it was like being gay, if she weren’t so afraid of overstepping. All anyone talked about in relation to Emma was her sexuality, and Alyssa didn’t want to be the same as them. She was sure Emma was tired of it being brought up, so she kept quiet, even when there were so many questions she wanted to ask.

Like how did she figure it out? And when?

There was a sort of buzzing that ran through Alyssa’s body when she was with Emma, or even thought about her. Just as Kaylee and Shelby wanted to kiss boys, Emma wanted to kiss girls. Had Emma ever kissed a girl? Alyssa found herself thinking about that quite a lot.

She herself had never been kissed. She was sixteen now, and she hadn’t even had her first kiss. Next to Kaylee and Shelby, she sometimes felt like a fraud.

Well, she’d almost kissed Ryan Spalding back in seventh grade, but they’d both panicked at the last second and pulled away before their lips actually touched. Her mother hadn’t exactly been receptive to the idea of her kissing anyone before high school, and now that she was _in_ high school, Alyssa found that she didn’t want to kiss any of the boys there. Objectively speaking, some of them weren’t unattractive, but Alyssa didn’t understand why her friends fawned over them the way they did.

She pushed down the taunting voice in her head that told her she knew exactly why she was so interested in Emma being a lesbian.

She wasn’t like Emma in that way. If she were, her mother would well and truly flip her shit. Kaylee and Shelby would never talk to her again. Life in Edgewater would be too hard, and it was something she just didn’t need.

So, Alyssa wasn’t a lesbian – or so she told herself every time the voice in her head got too loud.

One night in early November, Emma texted her goodnight.

They’d been texting quite a bit, to start with ostensibly about the project and when they were next going to meet up and work on it, but recently their conversations had turned more informal. Alyssa had just come back into her room from brushing her teeth when she saw her screen light up with a notification.

Seeing it was a text from Emma, she unlocked her phone and read the message, which carried on from their previous conversation.

_Sure, I’ll bring the classics documentary if you bring the snacks? Anyway, it’s getting late so goodnight! Sleep well_

Alyssa couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. It had been such a small thing to add to the end of her message, but even that gesture was enough to bring the churning in her stomach back with full force.

Biting her lip, Alyssa typed out a reply.

_Night, Emma. Sweet dreams x_

She hit send before she could talk herself out of it, dropping her phone down on the bed with a shaky breath. Maybe the ‘x’ had been a step too far. Maybe she shouldn’t have said sweet dreams.

Sweet dreams. Who even said that anymore? Her phone chimed with another text and Alyssa barely managed to pick her phone up to read the screen.

_Sweet dreams Alyssa x_

Alyssa didn’t know whether she wanted to laugh in delight, sigh in relief, or overthink it until she couldn’t sleep. She ended up doing all three that night.

 

* * *

 

This was insane.

She’d clearly gone insane. Clutching the neck of her guitar so tightly she feared the instrument would snap, Emma walked onto the makeshift stage area amid a small smattering of applause. Mostly, though, the other kids were silent.

Emma took a seat on the stool that had been set down in the middle of the stage. The silence of the audience felt almost oppressive, as if the they were daring her to fail. Emma took a deep breath as she settled the guitar on her lap.

Why the hell had she even signed up to perform? Just because it was Thanksgiving, didn’t mean the kids at school would be any nicer to her about this. They’d already made up their minds about her, so why on Earth was she bothering with this performance?

Strumming the intro calmed her racing heart rate ever so slightly. Her brain having something to focus on besides the judgemental stares helped, and although her voice was shaky when she started singing, the audience began to fade away from her mind.

Emma glanced at the second row, where Alyssa was sat, listening intently. Alyssa smiled at her encouragingly, and she looked so beautiful that Emma almost forgot the words there and then. She recovered, carrying on with the song and changing chords almost in a trance. Muscle memory of the time she’d spent practicing took over, and all she had to worry about was the singing.

There was slightly more applause when she finished, although the majority of it seemed to be grudging. Alyssa’s eyes were soft as she clapped, and Emma did her best to look away in case someone picked up on the way she was just staring at her.

After, Emma went straight to the band closet to have some peace and quiet – and maybe a little bit because she didn’t want to make eye contact with any of her peers ever again after her performance. It could have gone worse, but Emma knew she had been pretty bad.

She took what she hoped was a steadying breath, which was interrupted by her phone vibrating in her pocket. Fishing it out of her jeans with a furrowed brow, Emma’s expression cleared when she saw that the notification was a text from Alyssa.

_You did so good! Where did you run off to? x_

Emma chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully. The band closet was a space that she went to alone, like her own little safe haven. But she suddenly found herself wanting to share that haven with Alyssa. God, she was in deep.

_Band closet x_

The reply came almost instantaneously.

_On my way x_

Emma closed her eyes, letting her head fall gently back against the wall. She knew she didn’t have a chance in hell with Alyssa, but being her friend was enough. It had to be enough. God knows she didn’t exactly have any other friends at this school.

In what seemed like no time at all, the door was opening and Alyssa was slipping through it and into the tiny room with her. Emma smiled at her in greeting, hoping it didn’t come off as a grimace.

“Hey, Ed Sheeran,” Alyssa grinned. “Hiding from your adoring fans?”

Emma laughed. “Please. I don’t have any fans, adoring or otherwise. Especially after that train-wreck of a performance.”

“Come on, it wasn’t a train-wreck,” Alyssa insisted, taking a deep breath before speaking again. If Emma didn’t know any better, she’d think Alyssa was nervous. “Besides, I can think of at least one adoring fan that you have.”

Emma’s breath caught in her throat. Alyssa was studiously avoiding her eyes, her hair falling around her face as she looked at the floor. Emma swallowed, trying to find any words at all. What could she say to something like that? It wasn’t any sort of declaration, or even something that should get her hopes up, but Alyssa’s words made her heart thump loudly in her chest and her mind go into overdrive.

“I should probably get to class,” Alyssa said quietly, once the silence had stretched on for a while.

“Yeah, me too,” Emma said, clearing her throat and finally standing up. Her guitar was still clutched in one hand. “Plus, I have to go put this back in my car.”

“Wait, since when do you have a car?” Alyssa asked.

“Um, since yesterday,” Emma admitted. “I passed my test and my grandma surprised me; said I deserved a bit of freedom. I guess I’ve just been so preoccupied with the assembly that I forgot to tell you.”

She said it almost apologetically, but Alyssa waved it off in favor of grinning at her. “You have a _car_.”

“It’s more of a beat-up old pick-up truck,” Emma explained. “But it also means I can actually pick you up from school when we need to work on our project. If you want, of course.”

“Emma, I’m so touched that you bought a car just for my benefit,” Alyssa said playfully, putting her hand over her heart. It was like all the awkwardness of a minute ago was gone, so quickly that Emma wondered if she had imagined it, or had been the only one who felt… whatever it had been.

“Shut up, my grandma bought it so I could drive her to the K-Mart,” Emma said, fighting down the blush on her cheeks. “But just text me if you need a ride anywhere.”

Alyssa smiled warmly at her. “Did anyone ever tell you how great you are?”

“No, actually,” Emma said, and Alyssa’s expression softened even further.

“Well, I’m telling you now,” she said, stepping closer and hugging her tightly.

Emma almost dropped her guitar. Hoping Alyssa hadn’t noticed the hitch in her breath, she wrapped her free gingerly arm around her back, not wanting to give in and hold her as tightly as she wanted to in case she never let go again. Alyssa’s arms were around her neck, her hair in Emma’s face, and all she could smell was the sweet scent of whatever conditioner Alyssa used.

Emma decided that if she could freeze one moment and simply live in it, then it would be this moment right now.

Alyssa pulled back from the hug, but she lingered in Emma’s space for just long enough for Emma to note just how long her eyelashes were. How had she never realized how long Alyssa’s eyelashes were?

“Class,” Alyssa said, a tiny frown creasing her forehead as her eyes flickered back and forth between Emma’s, before they widened almost comically. “I’m so late!”

Emma laughed nervously as they untangled themselves from the embrace, missing the warmth of Alyssa’s body even though it had only been a moment since they’d let go. Alyssa threw a wave over her shoulder and narrowly avoided running into the closed door. She wrenched it open and disappeared from sight, leaving Emma trying to compose herself as she realized that this girl would probably be the death of her.

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t like Alyssa hadn’t noticed things about Emma before she’d sung at the assembly. On the contrary, she’d noticed _lots_ of things about Emma – like her pen tapping, and the difference between her nervous laugh and her carefree one, and the fact that she clearly knew nothing about Ancient Greece but was trying to appear as if she did while they were working on their project together.

She’d noticed how Emma didn’t put any effort into her hair even though it somehow still managed to look perfect. She’d noticed how Emma’s smiles were always soft and genuine. She’d noticed how pretty Emma’s eyes were.

So, it wasn’t like she hadn’t already been paying attention when it came to Emma. But something had changed when she’d watched Emma perform onstage. Emma wasn’t ignorant of how most of the students felt about her, but she’d still gotten up in front of everyone and sung. And, yes, technically she hadn’t been perfect – but Alyssa didn’t care.

Almost without her noticing it, something monumental had shifted, and it wasn’t until Alyssa had been staring into Emma’s eyes, closer to her than she’d ever been before as they’d pulled back from their first hug, that she finally pinpointed exactly what that shift was.

She had feelings for Emma.

The realization had hit her like a freight train, right there in the band closet with Emma gazing back at her. Alyssa had done her level best to deny it, but she couldn’t hold back her feelings from her brain anymore. It was useless.

Now, sat in her English class but not paying attention to a single word, Alyssa’s brain was in overdrive. She liked Emma. She liked a girl. Somewhere in the back of her mind, that annoying voice was throwing a damn party at the fact that Alyssa had finally consciously realized what it had been trying to tell her all along.

Alyssa was gay.

The corners of her mouth curled in the barest hint of a smile at the thought, and then her heart immediately plummeted.

She lived in Indiana. Her mother was homophobic, along with the rest of her family, and so was pretty much everyone at her school. Nobody could know about this; about her being a lesbian. About her having feelings for Emma.

How was Alyssa supposed to act around Emma now? They were both gay, and Alyssa had feelings for her, but they were friends. Fuck. They were _friends_ , and Alyssa had to go and ruin it by catching feelings. Even as that same voice told her that it was possible Emma liked her back, Alyssa pushed it away to the back of her mind. She couldn’t afford to let on to Emma about any of this.

She was so lost. She didn’t even know the first thing about being gay. Was she supposed to start listening to The Indigo Girls, or get an undercut? Pretty much the only way she’d heard lesbians described was derogatory in some way or another, and she’d never talked about it with Emma, who would be the resident expert.

But if Alyssa were to start asking a bunch of questions out of the blue, it would surely tip Emma off as to the truth behind it. There was always the internet, but Alyssa wouldn’t put it past her mom to put some kind of tracking software on her laptop to keep tabs on what she searched.

Alyssa resisted the urge to bury her head in her hands. She was so screwed.

A few agonizingly slow days passed, and Alyssa got a little more used to internally acknowledging the fact that she was gay. Once she let herself think it, everything that she had been questioning about herself suddenly slotted into place. It made sense why she didn’t want to kiss any of the boys at James Madison. She didn’t want to kiss boys, period. She wanted to kiss girls.

She wanted to kiss _Emma_ , and that thought alone was enough to both thrill and terrify her.

It certainly made their study sessions more interesting.

Normally, Alyssa would have been engrossed by the documentary on the Ancient Greeks and their worshipping practices, but today she just couldn’t pay attention to it. She was sat next to Emma on her bed, their arms barely brushing as they watched the programme on Emma’s laptop while rain lashed at the bedroom window outside. To Alyssa, it felt as if the space between them was crackling with electricity that had nothing to do with the forecasted thunderstorm.

She kept her eyes firmly on the screen, but she couldn’t help but be hyperaware of every slight movement Emma made. Alyssa briefly wondered what would happen if she just turned her head and guided Emma’s lips to her own, but she shut down that train of thought pretty quickly. What if Emma pushed her away?

What if she _didn’t_?

“Is everything okay?” Emma asked, and Alyssa was jolted back to Earth with a bump.

“Hmm?”

“You just seem tense,” Emma shrugged. “Is there something on your mind?”

Biting back the urge to respond with ‘you’, Alyssa forced a smile and shook her head. “Not really. Cheerleading practice just kicked my ass today is all.”

“We don’t have to study if you’re tired,” Emma said. “We can just binge-watch regular people’s television instead.”

“Are you saying this isn’t a fascinating documentary?” Alyssa asked, mock-offended.

Emma laughed quietly. “I’m saying you’re clearly not paying attention to it, which is very unlike you.”

Alyssa’s shoulders sagged and she sighed. “That obvious, huh?”

Emma just smiled ruefully at her. “It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me what’s going on. I get it.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you,” Alyssa said carefully. “It’s just… I don’t even know how to start talking about how jumbled my head is right now.”

Already this was more than Alyssa was ever planning on telling Emma, but it seemed like her mouth had different plans to her brain.

“Alyssa—”

“Why do you always have spare clothes in your locker?” Alyssa asked suddenly. She knew she was deflecting, but it had been on her mind since the day of that first conversation. Emma didn’t do sports, or anything else that Alyssa thought would warrant a change of clothes at all times. So why?

“Kids are mean,” Emma said, shrugging helplessly. “I couldn’t be sure that they wouldn’t, you know, throw stuff at me or prank me or something. Maybe I’m just paranoid.”

“They haven’t, have they?” Alyssa knew her eyes were wide with horror.

“No,” Emma reassured her. “At least, not yet. Alyssa, is everything okay?”

Emma seemed worried now. Alyssa tried to stomp down the sudden guilt that overtook her at making Emma worry. She tried to school her features into some sort of relaxed expression.

“Everything’s fine.”

Emma hesitated, biting her lip. “I… I don’t believe you.”

Alyssa’s chest ached. Documentary forgotten, she swallowed hard. “I thought you weren’t going to push.”

“I’m not,” Emma defended. “I never said you had to tell me what was wrong, but please don’t shut me out and pretend you’re fine when you’re clearly not!”

Alyssa stood up from the bed, putting some distance between them in the hopes that it would calm her racing heart. It didn’t. Emma looked at her, clearly torn between wanting to get to her feet too, and staying put.

“I can’t,” Alyssa said, her voice thick. “It’s too much even just in my head, and if I say any of it out loud then…”

To her horror, tears sprung to her eyes. Alyssa turned her back on Emma; she couldn’t cry in front of her. She heard the sound of Emma getting up off the bed, her socked feet padding over to stand a few feet away.

Alyssa felt a tentative hand on her shoulder, and the churning in her stomach was back. No, not churning. _Butterflies_.

“Alyssa,” Emma said gently. “I’m your friend. I just want to help.”

There was that word: Friend. Alyssa loved being Emma’s friend, she really did – even if they only hung out in the safety of Emma’s room, far away from judgemental eyes at school. But now that Alyssa knew she wanted more, she didn’t know how she could look at Emma without just admitting everything to her.

“Please turn around?” Emma asked.

Alyssa slowly turned to face her, holding her breath as Emma took in the tear tracks staining her face. She looked concerned, and like she was trying to piece things together for herself but couldn’t quite make the connection.

“Emma, I’m scared,” Alyssa whispered, and it was the most honest thing she’d said all day.

Emma’s eyebrows furrowed. “Scared of what?”

Alyssa choked back a sob, completely unable to stop fresh tears from rolling down her cheeks. Emma’s thumbs swiped under her eyes, her hands cupping her jaw, and Alyssa couldn’t help but melt into the touch. Having Emma so close to her was fogging up her brain, and it was like she was all Alyssa could see.

“God, how is it that you’re always the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, no matter what?” Emma murmured, like she was only half-aware of what she was saying.

Alyssa’s breathing was ragged, so the hitch in it must have impossible to miss. Emma’s eyes met her own, wide and terrified as her own words registered in her brain. She dropped her hands from Alyssa’s cheeks, looking like she wanted to say something else; maybe take it back.

Alyssa didn’t know whether she wanted Emma to take it back or not.

She was so tired of fighting this battle – one that she’d been fighting for a hell of a lot longer than she’d first realized. Alyssa’s gaze dropped from Emma’s eyes to her lips without her brain’s permission, and somewhere in the back of her head she knew she was already too far gone.

Alyssa’s eyes fluttered closed just before she kissed Emma.

The first press of their lips was everything, and Alyssa immediately needed more. Her hand came up to thread through Emma’s hair, the way she’d only briefly allowed herself to think about in the dead of night. It was clear she’d taken Emma by complete surprise, but then she began to feel Emma kiss her back with so much tenderness that it made Alyssa want to cry all over again.

Alyssa’s other hand found a place on Emma’s shoulder, and she felt Emma’s hands come to rest lightly at her waistline, almost like Emma thought that if she held on too tight then Alyssa would disappear.

Emma’s lips were soft, and she kissed her so gently that it sent shivers down Alyssa’s spine. Alyssa wanted to stay like this forever; she drew back for a second before tilting her head and pressing back in, kissing her firmer this time. She needed this. She needed to be able to stay in this moment for eternity – just the two of them in a little bubble while the outside world faded away completely, and nobody could get to them.

Alyssa’s brain abruptly caught up to the actions of her traitorous body and the sudden influx of anxiety made her pull away quickly. Her eyes flew open to see Emma standing stock-still, lips parted and eyes still closed – although they opened soon after, blinking rapidly.

Trying to swallow the wave of panic that washed over her like ice water, Alyssa raised a shaking hand to touch her own lips, which were still tingling after the kiss. It had happened. She’d really kissed Emma, and now her secret was out there even if it was only to one person. It was too much.

“I’m sorry,” Alyssa said hoarsely, and lightning flashed outside the window. “I—I have to go.”

“Alyssa, wait,” Emma pleaded, but it fell on deaf ears. Alyssa picked up her jacket from the back of Emma’s desk chair and fled, her feet carrying her downstairs and out of the front door before she knew what was happening.

Almost as if she were in a trance, Alyssa shut the front door behind her, striding off into the pouring rain without paying much attention to where she was even walking to. She’d fucked up. She’d fucked up so badly that she wasn’t sure if she’d ever be able to face Emma again.

The rain soaked through her clothes within minutes, her jacket doing little to protect her as the sheets of water plastered her hair to her forehead. She briefly wondered if Emma would try to come after her, but she’d given absolutely no indication of where she was going before she left. In fact, Alyssa thought as she came to a halt, she didn’t even know where she was anymore. She’d walked from Emma’s house to her own before, but it was getting dark and she didn’t recognize any of the streets she could see now.

It was only when she reached for her phone to look up how exactly to get home that she realized she’d left it in Emma’s room, along with her backpack.

Shit.

Alyssa sat down on the sidewalk and buried her head in her hands.

 

* * *

 

It took Emma longer than it should have to regain her motor functions. She wanted to go after Alyssa, but by the time she made her feet listen to her brain, it had been several minutes since she’d heard the front door slam.

Alyssa Greene had just kissed her. Holy shit.

She’d also apologised and run off crying, Emma reminded herself, which was the most pressing matter. Because no matter what, they were friends, and Emma didn’t like seeing her friend that torn up.

Emma didn’t know what to do. She wanted to make sure Alyssa was okay; she was out in a thunderstorm presumably by herself, and Emma didn’t know where her house actually was. In fact, all she knew about Alyssa’s home life was that her mom was a jerk, and that she was an only child.

Even if she knew where Alyssa had gone, what’s to say that Alyssa even wanted Emma to follow her? Maybe she’d regretted the kiss, and never wanted to see Emma’s face again. The more rational side of her suggested that maybe Alyssa had only just come to the conclusion that she liked girls, and was panicking, but Emma wasn’t exactly feeling the most rational at present.

She decided to try calling Alyssa. Emma tapped her foot impatiently for a couple of seconds, and then her heart sank as she heard Alyssa’s phone ringing from the floor near her bed. The phone must’ve fallen when Alyssa had stood up earlier. A quick glance around the room revealed that Alyssa had also left her backpack behind.

Emma bit her lip. What if Alyssa needed her phone, or something important in her bag? What if she’d left her house keys behind and was stuck out in the rain until her mother got home? It was only five-thirty. Her mom wouldn’t be home for another couple of hours at least.

Emma just wished she had a way to find Alyssa, and fast. It took an embarrassingly long time for the idea to hit her.

She had a car.

Making a decision and grabbing Alyssa’s discarded belongings, Emma raced down the stairs and grabbed her keys from the kitchen table. She managed a quick explanation to her grandmother – leaving out certain details, of course – and then she was out of the house, ducking her head against the pouring rain.

It was a short journey to her pick-up, but Emma was shivering by the time she opened the door and climbed in. Jamming the key into the ignition, Emma tried to wrack her brain as to which way Alyssa could have gone. Her best guess was that Alyssa had either gone the way to her house (although Emma had no clue which way that was) or that she’d simply picked a direction and walked.

Praying she was somehow right, Emma pulled out of the driveway and picked a street at random to follow. The headlights of her truck cut a beam through the driving rain, and Emma cranked the heating up to full blast. If she found Alyssa, she’d no doubt be freezing.

She drove around for fifteen minutes without any luck, her hopes sinking lower and lower. If only she’d been able to convince Alyssa to stay instead of just running off headlong into a thunderstorm. As if to illustrate her point, lightning flashed in the sky, followed not long after by a rumble of thunder.

Suddenly, a figure was illuminated by the lights of Emma’s truck. A girl, sat on the sidewalk in the middle of the storm. It had to be Alyssa. Scarcely believing her luck, Emma rolled down the window and stuck her head out, going against every single thing she’d learned in Drivers’ Ed.

“Alyssa!”

The girl jerked her head up, and it was definitely her. Emma drew to a stop beside her and reached over the console to open up the passenger side door.

“Get in,” she said, although it came out more pleading than she’d intended.

Alyssa, visibly shivering, complied. She scrambled up from her sitting position, soaked through to the bone and sniffing, and climbed into the truck. She shut the door behind her and closed her eyes as Emma put the truck in park and turned to face her.

“You, um, left your phone,” Emma started lamely, handing the device back over.

“Thanks,” Alyssa mumbled, taking her phone back without looking at Emma. It hurt that she wouldn’t even make eye contact with her, but Emma tried to remember how she’d first felt when she realized she was gay. Whatever she’d felt, she’d bet this situation was _at least_ as intense and confusing for Alyssa, and probably more so with the addition of the kiss.

As much as Emma wanted to tell Alyssa that she’d had a crush on her since what actually felt like forever ago now, and that she’d really liked the kiss, and that she’d like it if they could maybe do that again sometime, she recognized that right now this second wasn’t the best time. So, instead, she waited for what seemed like an eternity for Alyssa to speak first.

“I’m pretty sure I’m gay,” was the first thing Alyssa finally said, followed by a watery almost-laugh. Even though she seemed much calmer now, the rain on her face couldn’t hide the fact that she had clearly been crying in earnest, and Emma’s heart longed to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. “Sorry for the sneak attack kiss.”

Alyssa’s voice wavered ever so slightly on the word ‘kiss’, almost like she was still reconciling the events of the last thirty minutes with herself. Cautiously, Emma reached out and placed her hand over Alyssa’s, not missing the quiet intake of breath the action caused.

“Don’t be sorry,” Emma said earnestly. She paused, psyching herself up to ask the question she wasn’t entirely sure she was ready for the answer to. “Did you mean it? The kiss.”

Alyssa looked her in the eyes for the first time since she’d fled from Emma’s room. Slowly, she nodded. Emma couldn’t stop the helpless smile that spread across her face then, and Alyssa seemed to relax a bit upon seeing that her reaction was a positive one. She was still noticeably shivering, her hair and clothes dripping steady streams of water onto the car seat, but Emma couldn’t care less about the upholstery. She took a deep breath. It seemed like the ball might well be in her court now.

“Alyssa, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed,” she started, “but I’ve had a crush on you since you blew up the peanut brittle in Chemistry class. Maybe even before then.”

Alyssa’s eyebrows shot up into her hairline, her lips parting in surprise.

“Okay, so you didn’t notice,” Emma said, actually kind of relieved. “Means I was subtle, at least.”

“Or I’m just oblivious?” Alyssa suggested, the beginnings of a sheepish smile creeping onto her face. Emma couldn’t even begin to process how happy seeing that smile made her.

“The point is that even though I was surprised when you kissed me—” Alyssa blushed slightly at the mention of the kiss, “— it doesn’t mean I hadn’t been wanting to kiss you for a while.”

“Why didn’t you?” Alyssa asked, and it seemed like maybe Emma spelling out her feelings had given her a small amount of confidence.

Emma shrugged. “I thought you were straight, for one.”

“So did I,” Alyssa snorted. She paused thoughtfully. “Or maybe I was only trying to convince myself. I don’t know, there’s a lot of unjumbling to do in my head.”

“I didn’t want to freak you out,” Emma continued. “I didn’t want you to hate me.”

Alyssa’s entire demeanour softened. “I could never hate you, Emma.”

Emma stroked her thumb over the smooth skin of Alyssa’s hand. “Plus, it was kind of my first kiss, so…”

“I was your first kiss?” Alyssa whispered. “But… if I’d have known, I’d have made it more…”

“More what?” Emma prompted.

“Special,” Alyssa said. “Maybe I’d have been brave enough to make some grand speech to you or something, I don’t know.”

“It _was_ special,” Emma insisted. “And at the risk of sounding like the cheesiest person on the entire planet, it was special because it was with you, okay?”

Alyssa opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, an involuntary smile creeping onto her face as she processed what Emma was saying. After a long moment, she admitted: “It… it was actually my first kiss too.”

Emma was floored. She genuinely couldn’t fathom how someone like Alyssa had gone through her life without ever being kissed before today. Her surprise must’ve been clear on her face, because Alyssa bit her lip to stop herself from laughing.

“Was all this—” Emma began, gesturing between herself and Alyssa, “—what had you so distracted today?”

Alyssa nodded. “I only started to really piece everything about you and me together a few days ago.”

“The assembly,” Emma murmured, almost to herself.

“And the band closet,” Alyssa added. “It’s been really hard to concentrate around you lately.”

Emma shook her head in amazement. “Believe me, I know the feeling.”

Alyssa looked at her, seeming like she was almost holding her breath, and then the full implications of everything she’d said in the past few minutes registered in Emma’s brain.

“Wait, you like me back?”

Alyssa’s expression was incredulous. “I – yes, Emma, of course I do.”

For a moment, Emma couldn’t hear anything except the drumming of the rain on her car as the storm continued regardless of the shift that had just happened in her world. There was no-one else on the roads, but even if there had been, Emma wouldn’t have noticed at all. She felt hot, and not just because the heating in the car was on full blast.

“Can I…” Emma swallowed, not missing the way Alyssa’s eyes were drawn to the movement of her throat. “Can I kiss you?”

Alyssa nodded fervently, already leaning in over the console. Emma met her halfway, not caring about the slightly awkward angle and turning her body to face Alyssa as much as she could.

Even though being in the pick-up had warmed her up considerably, Alyssa’s lips were still cold underneath her own. Emma didn’t care, though, because she was kissing Alyssa and for now everything was alright. Alyssa knew about Emma’s feelings and what was more – she actually _returned_ them.

One hand still resting atop Alyssa’s, Emma brought her other one up to gently push back the wet hair from Alyssa’s face as they kissed. She let her hand linger there, curling her fingers around Alyssa’s jawline.

The kiss was exploratory; both of them learning what it actually meant to be close like this. Emma stroked her thumb over Alyssa’s cheek, her next kiss a bit firmer than the previous one had been. She felt Alyssa’s lips part slightly, and if her lips had once been cold, then they didn’t feel so anymore.

Alyssa captured Emma’s bottom lip between her own, kissing her in a way that made Emma very glad she didn’t have to rely on standing up right now, because she was starting to go weak at the knees.  Alyssa’s free hand gripped the front of Emma’s shirt, her fingers twisting in the fabric almost like she was trying to ground herself. Emma could relate. She felt a little as if she was going to float away if they kept kissing like this.

It was a bright flash of lightning that broke their kiss in the end. Emma dimly realized that the storm was still raging on around them, and that Alyssa’s clothes were still soaked from the rain. She really didn’t want her to catch a chill, so she reluctantly retreated to sit fully in the driver’s seat again.

Alyssa looked at her with a slightly glazed expression, a slow smile spreading across her whole face. “Wow.”

“Yeah,” Emma breathed. They simply stared at each other for a long moment before Emma forced herself into action. “Um, I can drive you to your place, if you want? So you can get warm again and into some dry clothes.”

Alyssa hummed thoughtfully, and Emma took a deep breath and willed herself not to back out of her other idea.

“Or,” she said carefully, “we can go back to mine and my grandma can make us hot chocolate instead? I have lots of warm sweaters, too.”

Alyssa’s breath caught in her throat, and she nodded. “Hot chocolate and sweaters sound good.”

Emma knew they had more to talk about, like Alyssa’s mom and what excuse she would come up with to explain turning up in borrowed clothes later that evening, and the matter of whether anyone could know about their relationship – if that’s what this was going to become. Emma also knew that Alyssa was scared, and still had a lot to unpack mentally, and that it was unlikely she’d be comfortable with being together in the open at school.

She wasn’t naïve enough to believe that everything would be plain sailing from here. But if she had Alyssa in her corner – and vice-versa – then maybe one day nobody would care enough to harass them.

Until then, Emma was content with this. Being with Alyssa, just the two of them, and forgetting the outside world.

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! i've been having major writers' block and some health issues recently but i'm so glad i was able to write this at least! i guess it's just where my inspiration is right now.
> 
> it would absolutely make my day if you wanted to leave a comment! besides, validation is how i fuel myself these days oops


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